Chuck Norris Pickup Lines

Pickup Lines about Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth. He points his fist at his mouth and the plaque jumps out.

0

When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+1

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
+1

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
+1

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+1

Fear of spiders is called Arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called Claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.
+1

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
0

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.
+1

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it's just afraid to move.
0

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
0

When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
0

Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
0

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
+1

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+1

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
+1

When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang doesn't return because it's too afraid to come back.
0

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
-1

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
0

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
0

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
+1

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
+1

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
0

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
0

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 12 hours.
0

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
0

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
+1

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
+1

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
+1

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
+1

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
+1

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+1

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
0

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
0

Chuck Norris mivrowaves his food by putting it in his pants for a minute.
0

Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake. After three days of pain and agony, the rattle snake died.
+1

Chuck Norris can run you over with a parked car.
+1

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
0

When life gave Chuck Norris lemons, he made lemonade, a 9 inch hunting knife, an AK-47, and a playpen for his pet scorpion.
+1

Chuck Norris can leave a message before the beep.
+1

Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.
+1

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.
+1

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
0

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
0

When Chuck Norris swims in the ocean, the sharks are in a steel cage.
0

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
0

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
0

If you flip over China its says made by Chuck Norris.
0

Chuck Noris works out 25 hours a day.
0

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
0

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
0

Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.
0

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
+1

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen San Diego.
0

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
+1

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
+1

Kevlar is the synthetic version of Chuck Norris' moustache.
+1

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.
+1

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
0