Lude & Sexual Pickup Lines
Pickup Lines that are Lude and Sexual
My dick just died, can I bury it in your vagina?
"Wanna go on an ate with me? I'll give you the D later."
I heard you got a boyfriend, but girl don't try & pretend, like you don't want this dick all the way in.
Are you a doctor? Cause you just cured my erectile dysfunction.
Hi, I'm a burgular... and I'm gonna smash your back door in!
You can call me "The Fireman"....mainly because I turn the hoes on!
I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?
I’m a businessman. I work in orifices, got any openings?
I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you.
You run track?, cause I heard you relay want this dick.
Are you a flight attendant? Coz u gonna be plane wth this dick soon.
Do you need a medic? Cause my dick is hard for you.
Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a weiner stand.
Hi, I'm bisexual. I'd like to BUY you a drink...and then get sexual.
Twinkle twinkle little star, Let's have sex inside my car.
Babe, are you an elevator? Because I want to go down on you.
I'll kiss you in the rain, so you get twice as wet.
Boy: Do you wanna be my SLUT? Girl: WHAT! Boy: Do you even know what slut stands for? Boy: (S)weet (L)ittle (U)nforgetable (T)hing
Well spread my cheeks and call me ‘cell bitch;’ you’re prettier than anyone I ever met in the joint!
What if I start this relationship with you as a frien. Will you allow me to give you the 'D' later?
If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to go down?
I heard your grades are bad.....I'm sure this D won't hurt.
I heard you like Magic, well bend over and watch my dick disappear.
Can I park my car in your garage? It’s pretty big, but it doesn’t leak.
Do you like to draw? (yeah why?) Cause I put the D in Raw.
Has any one ever told you your ass looks like a phone cause I want to hit the pound button all day long.
Do you like tapes and CDs? (I guess) Good, 'cause Imma tape this dick to your forehead so you CDs nuts.
Are you going to that funeral? (What Funeral) The one where MY BALLZ drop dead in your mouth.
I'm not a dick in real life, but I'll play one in your vagina tonight!
Are you a termite? Cause you're about to have a mouth full of wood.
"If you were a washing machine, I would put my dirty load inside you."
I'd hide every chair in the world just so you'd have to sit on my face.
There are so many things you can do with the mouth why waste it on talking?
Your ass is pretty tight, want me to loosen it up?
Looks don't matter, I'll just wrap you in a flag and fuck you for glory.
Hey, is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd sure love to tap THAT ass!
I would tell you a joke about my penis....buts its too long ;)
I forgot my blow job at your house, can I come over and get it?
This Dick a rental car company.....It Hertz.
Does your pussy smell like fish because I like sushi.
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I'll poke you.
Do you like Imagine Dragons? Well Imagine Dragon my balls across your face.
I've got a big one, you wanna see how hard it works?
So hey you want to come to this Party? Yes ok then climb up my pant leg and HAVE A BALL.
Do you like Alphabet soup...Cause you gonna be choking on the D.
I'm no rooster, but watch what this cock-a-do-to-you.
How about later tonight, you let me slip into something a little more comfortable... Like your vagina.
You know what cums after C....The D!
I'm going to make you breakfast...Omellete you suck this dick.
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put my dick in your ass!
Do you like cherries? If not can I have yours?
My penis is like a dictonary want me to blow your mind?
I would call Heaven and tell them an angel was missing, but I'm kinda hoping you're a slut!
Roses are red, violets are blue, we're having sex, cause I'm stronger than you.
My dick is like catnip, it'll make a cougar like you go wild.
So, what are the chances of my balls slappin' your ass tonight?
Do you like Adele? Cause I can tell you wanna be rolling in the D.
Those boobs look very heavy... can I hold them for you?
Is your name Autumn, cause I'd fuck you so hard all your leaves will fall off.
I like my women, like I like my ice cream, fat free and dripping down my fingers.
Wanna play Tic-Tac-Toe?, I'll shove a tic tac up your pussy and try to give you 3 O's in a row.
I hope you have a sewing machine, cause im gonna tear dat ass up.
I'd treat you like a snow storm. Give you six to eight inches and make it mildly inconvenient for you to move in the morning.
My cat's dead, can I play with your pussy instead?
Yeah. I'm an asshole, but will that stop me from getting in yours?
Walk up to a female and look at her crotch then look at her face back to crotch to face and say "Are you gonna eat that?"
Baby I want to wear you like a pair of sun glasses, one leg over each ear.
Hey baby, I'm kind of cold, Can I use your thighs as earmuffs?
You might not be a Bulls fan.. But I know you felt it when this D Rose.
If I was a robot and you were one too, If I lost a bolt would you give me a screw?
Wanna Job? It Blows!
The names Dick, can I put it in you?
Hey! Tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes.
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
Is it your birthday?, because icing isn't the only thing I'll be smearing all over face your face tonight.
I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.
Lets play circus, first sit on my face. I'll guess your weight and I'll eat the difference.
Do you like chocolate, cause your gonna choke alot on this dick.
How about you get on your knees and smile like a donut!
That dress would look great on my bedroom floor!
Do you like warm weather? Cause I'm gonna put my warm balls on your face weather you like it or not.
Come here or my dick will start CUMING for you!
What's the biggest moving musle in a womens body. My cock!
Lets play house...you can be the door so I can slam you all I want!
The word for tonight is “legs.” Let's go back to my place and spread the word?
You need something to shut that big mouth of yours!
Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina!
Do you like Jalapenos?...Because in a minute Imma be jalapeno pussy.
You Need Directions?...Well First you gotta take this D-tour.
Some men go around telling women they have an eight inch penis; I’d never shortchange myself like that!
I'm bigger and better than the Titanic ... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic.
Hi, you can call me Spider-Man cause I'll shoot my white stuff all over you.
Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.
Having sex is a lot like golf. I’m always happy when I get a hole in one.
Do you like dragons? Cause in a minute I'll be dragon my balls across your face.
Why pay $5 when you can't get this footling for free.
Do you handle chickens because you look like you'd be good with cocks.
I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock!
Gurl, you make me wanna dive in the sea..... dat pus-sea.
Are you a Jehovah's Witness? Cause I'm about to bend Jehovah and let you witness this dick.
I’m an interior decorator. I can fill your interior; I see something big and pink.
My guitar teacher says my fingering is good, especially on the G-string.
So, you're not into casual sex? Fine, I'll put on a tux and we can call it formal sex.
I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I at least have the box it came in?
As long as you need a place to sit, you'll always have my face.
They call me the Delivery Man, cause I always come in the back door.
Beauty is only skin deep; a huge cock goes much deeper.
Wanna make like Scarface and say hello to my little friend.
Hi! can I stir your drink, mind if i use my dick?
"Are you cold? Would you like a jacket? Because you can jack it when we get back to my place"
I call my dick the truth because bitches can't handle it.
(Looking at a girls ass) Where does this bus go anyway?
Let's play breathalyzer! You blow me as hard as you can, and I will tell you how drunk you are!
Are you a cowgirl cause I can see you riding me.
Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat.
Have this flower before I take yours.
Do you like duck meat? Then duck down here and get some meat.
I’m like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.
I hope you have a sewing machine, cause im gonna tear dat ass up.
Is your mom the lottery lady on TV, because I’m picturing you holding up my balls.
I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south?
Your Ass Looks Nice, does it need servicing cause I got a wrench and some screws just for you.
Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken wing? No? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
Do you know Phillis Brown? Cause in a minute you gonna phil-this brown dick.
Is Pussy Lips one word? Cause I'm gonna spread them tonight.
My Cock Is Like Pizza Hut, If You Don't Eat It All, You Can Pack It Up And Finish It Off At Home.
Do you like Sea World, because your about to be in my splash zone.
You know I live a Magnum Lifestyle.
Were you conceived on a sofa? Cause you are sofacking fine.
"Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?" (pull your pockets inside out) "Would you like to?"
Is your dad a carnie (carnival worker) Because I want you sit to on my face while I try to guess your weight.
Boy: There are 20 letters in the alphabet right? Girl: (26, I think) Boy: I must have forgotten U R A Q T Girl: (Your still missing one) Boy: I'll give you the D later
Liquor is not the only hard thing around here.
Do you like yoga? Cause yoganna love this dick,
I'm studying to be a Taxidermist. Can I practice stuffing your pussy?
Come in the house and take off your coat, open your mouth and let me coat the back of that throat!
"Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?" (pull your pockets inside out) "Would you like to?"
Is your dad a carnie (carnival worker) Because I want you sit to on my face while I try to guess your weight.
I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you.
That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
I hope you like dragons, because I'll be dragon my balls across your face tonight.
I think it's time I tell you what people are saying behind your back... "Nice ass!"
I may not be a windshield repairman, but I can still fill your crack in.
Do you live on a chicken farm? 'Cause you sure know how to raise a cock.
Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.
You're just like my little toe, because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you're making me hard.
If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.
My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them!
There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus.
Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
Do you run track? Cause I heard you Relay want this dick.
Are you from the ghetto? Cause I'm about to ghetto hold of dat ass.
You know what I like in a girl? My dick.
Are you a doctor? cause you just cured my erectile dysfunction.
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
Do you know the difference between my dick and a chicken wing? No? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
Are you a termite? Cause you're about to have a mouth full of wood.
Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Are you from Iraq? 'Cause I like the way you Baghdad ass up.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore - my face should be among them.
Hey baby, I think you just made my two by four into a four by eight.
Is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd love to tap that ass.
Hey cutie, wanna go halves on a baby?
Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? [Pull your pockets inside out] Would you like to?
I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f**k? [No] What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
Can I read your t-shirt in braille?
Do you have an inhaler? Because you've got ass ma.
Do you smoke pot? Because weed be cute together.
Are you my homework? Cause I'm not doing you but I definitely should be.
Someone vacuum my lap, I think this girl needs a clean place to sit.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' between 'F' and 'CK'.
F**k me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
You can call me cake, cause I'll go straight to your ass.
Are you hungry? Cause omelette you suck this dick.
Do you like pudding? Cause I'll be pudding this dick in your ass.
Roses are red, violets are fine. If I be the 6, will you be the 9?
Do you go to church often? Cause you're gonna be on your knees tonight.
Do you know your ABC's? Cause I wanna give you the 4th letter of the alphabet.
Are you an archaeologist? Because I've got a bone for you to examine.
I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
Just remember: To you, I am a virgin.
I love my bed but I'd rather be in yours.
Baby, I'm like a firefighter, I find 'em hot and leave 'em wet!
I spent over a grand on Viagra today, only to come here and see you and find out that I don't need it after all.
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
I'm hung like a tic tac. Wanna freshen your breath?
Do you come here often or wait till you get home?
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) Because I can see myself in your pants.
What's the speed limit of sex? [what?] 68. Because at 69 YOU have to turn around!
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
I'm like a Rubik's Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!
What's the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don't have a Ferrari.
Hi, do you want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then?
I'm afraid of the dark... Will you sleep with me tonight?
Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.
Do you need a stud in your life? Cause I got the STD and all I need is U.
Why pay for a bra, when I would gladly hold your boobs up all day for free?
You smell like trash. May I take you out?
Let's play carpenter. First we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows... You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.
Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.
You're so hot, even my pants are falling for you!
Are you from the Philippines? Because I wanna phil you with my penis.
Do you like Ramen Noodles? Cuz I'll be Rammin' my noodle in you later.
If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don't, so let's go.
Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself.
I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me come for dinner between the holidays?
That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.
So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund.
Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you all night long!
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
Are you spaghetti cause I want you to meat my balls.
Do you like whales? Cause we can go hump back at my place.
Baby I last longer than a white crayon.
Do you like to draw? Cause I put the D in Raw.
We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I'll poke you.
You remind me of the movie "Scarface" cause I want you to say hello to my little friend.
Do you like Adele? Cause I can tell you wanna be rolling in the D.
Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
"Do you like cherries?" [No.] "Ok, can I have yours?"
Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? [No] Wink.
Hey baby, wanna play lion? You go kneel down right there and I'll throw you my meat.
[Excuse me, do you have the time?] "Yes, do you have the energy?"
At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
Do you have a phone in your back pocket? Because your booty is calling me.
(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
Hi, wanna f**k? [No] Mind lying down while I do?
I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!
Does your ass have Allstate insurance? [No, why?] Well do you want it to be in good hands?
Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.
You have been very naughty. Go to my room!
Do you like Wendy's? Cause you're gonna love Wendy's nuts slap yo face!
Don't ever change. Just get naked.
Are those jeans Guess? Cause guess who wants to be inside them...
Do you like bacon? Wanna strip?
Are you the lottery lady on TV, because I'm picturing you holding up my balls.
Damn girl I'd love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face.
You're so hot you could make a deceased man's dick rise from the dead!
As long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
You must be yogurt because I want to spoon you.
Hey there, I just took some Cialis and I have 18 hours left.
I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."
Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
I would absolutely love to swap bodily fluids with you.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
I'm not Asian but I'll still eat your cat.
Are you a shark? Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
Are you jewish? Cause the way you're looking at me, I'm beginning to think Jewish this dick was in your mouth.
Do you work for Papa Johns? Cause you're a fine pizza ass.
Girl are you a witch? Cause you know how to make something stand without even touching it.
Are you from China? Cause I'm China get in your pants.
Do you like Pizza Hut? Cause I'll stuff your crust.
Since we've been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
Do you like tapes and CD's? Cause I'm gonna tape this dick to your forehead so you CD's nuts.
Do you work at the wood store? Cause I could've sworn you gave me wood before.
Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. (Mountain Dew)
Is it hot in here, or are your boobs just huge.
I'm peanut butter, you're jelly, let's have sex.
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!
Nice shoes, wanna f**k?
Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
Nice tits. Mind if I squeeze them?
Oh, you're a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna go down on you.
Is your name Osteoporosis? Because you're giving me a serious bone condition.
Is your name winter? Because you'll be coming soon.
Do you like jalapeños? Cause in a minute I'll be jalapeño pussy.
[Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say] "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to f**k you on the floor.
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and f**k.
What can I do to make you sleep with me?
Let's go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
I wish you were a screen door, so I could slam you all day long!
Do you like yoga? Cause Yoganna love this dick.
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart...
Hey! Wanna play war? I'll lay on the ground and you blow the f**k outta me!
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you f**k me? [No] Good, because mine is 8 inches.
Do you like apples? [Yes/No] How about I take you home and f**k the sh*t out of you. How do like them apples?
Do you like jewels? [Yes/No] well, suck my dick, it's a gem.
They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?
First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button.
Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them?
I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.
So, Is it safe to say I'm gonna score?
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
We're out of bleach. Do you want to go in the janitor's closet and make out?
There are 206 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
What do you like for breakfast?
Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?
Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight...
You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
Are those lumberjack pants your wearing... They are giving me a wood.
You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you.
I have a job for you, but it blows!
Do you have a shovel? Cause I'm diggin' that ass!
The things I would do if I got a few roofies in you.
Damn, are you my new boss, because you just gave me a raise.
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead!
Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?
Are you gay? [No] Wow, me neither, let's have sex.
If I washed my dick, would you suck it? [No] Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks.
Nice f**king weather. Want to?
Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!
Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?
Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?
I'm a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?
Do you take Visa?
Excuse me, I just shit in my pants. Can I get in yours?
You are the reason that god invented boners.
With great penis, comes great responsibility.
If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
If you're feeling down, I can fill you up.
There are so many things you can do with the human mouth... why waste it on talking?
How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled or fertilized?
You smell... We should go take a shower together.
Would you like a hotdog to go with those buns?
You're like my own personal brand of heroin.
This may seem corny, but you make me really horny.
I'm a burglar and I'm gonna smash your backdoor in.
Do you wanna do something that rhymes with 'Truck'?
I have a rare disease that will kill me unless I have sex within the next 30 minutes. Don't let me die!
I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.
Yeah, it's big and if you pet it, it spits.
Let us let only latex stand between our love.
Do you wanna see why my nickname is 'tri-pod'?
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place.
I heard your ankles were having a party... want to invite your pants down?
Are you a virgin? [No] Prove it!
You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."
I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I'll put my head in your mouth.
If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven't got any, how about a cock?
I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.
Are you from Ireland? 'Cuz my dick's-a-Dublin!
[Look down at your crotch] It's not just going to suck itself.
I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion?
Are you from Africa? Cause I wanna know Kenya suck this dick?
[Hold up a screw] Wanna screw?
Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?
[What are you doing?] I'm taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants.
How about you be my story and I'll be your climax!
"I have this magic watch that can actually talk to me. Seriously, it's saying something right now. It says that you're not wearing any underwear, is that true?." [No.] "Oh wait, my watch is an hour fast!
Is your name Dora? Cause I'll let you explore this dick.
I like your hair, your eyes, your smile... I like every bone in your body... Especially mine!
Do you sleep on your stomach? [No] Can I?
Lets play "Titanic." When I say "Iceburg!" you do down.
Do you believe guys think with their dick? (Yeah.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?
Smile. It is the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Don't you think most people who use pick-up lines are dipsticks? (Yes.) In that case, mind if I check your oil level?
Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.
Would you like to actively engage in mock procreation?
I'm easy. Are you?
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.
Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?
This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex.
I WANT SEX! Sorry, the doctor said that would help...
Do you believe in free love? [No] Then how much do you cost?
Hey baby, I'll f**k you so well the NEIGHBORS will be having a cigarette when we're done.
Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.
Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
I don't know you, and you don't know me, but who's to say it's wrong if we sleep together?
Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's in your bra?
I just popped a Viagra. So, we've got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.
I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let's just f**k.
You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my penis.
If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart. I hope to God you can't sing because I just wanna f**k you.
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
Hi, I'm gay. Do you think you can convert me?
I'm the finger down your spine when all the lights go out.
If I'm a pain in your ass... We can just add more lubricants.
Life is short. Let's f**k and see if there is anything after that.
Let me eat you for an hour. If you don't want to have sex after that, we won't.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
[Give the person a bottle of wine or tequila] Drink this, and then call me when you're ready.
Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.
I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.
[Walk into her chest] "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened!"
How much will $20 get me?
Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at pick up lines... nice tits.
Want to spend the night at my house tonight? The couch may not pull out, but I do.
So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund.
What are you doing tonight? Besides me, of course?
Will you be my girlfrien? I left out the 'd' cause you'll get that later!
My name is Skittles... wanna taste my rainbow?
Are those pants on sale? Cause they're 100% off at my place!
I'm with the TSA and I need to perform a full body cavity search, for security reasons.
Can I be the wiener in your hotdog?
I only have 12 hours to live... please don't let me die a virgin.
I'm bigger and better than the Titantic - only 200 women went down on that vessel!
What is a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
With my IQ and your body, we could make a race of superchildren and conquer the earth
You remind me of a crop, because I wanna plow you.
I have the entire dictionary written on my dick. Want me to put some words in your mouth??
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
You wanna go out this weekend?
[Sorry, I have a boyfriend]
I have a math test tomorrow
[What?]
Oh, I thought we were talking about things we could both cheat on!
Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me?
I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
Seriously honey, sex is like Pizza. Even if it bad, it still pretty darn good.
Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts)
You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.
I'm good at math, U+I=69
Wanna come and see my Hard Drive? Babe, I promise you it ain't 3.5 inches and it sure ain't floppy.
"Lets play house...you can be the door so I can slam you all I want!"
I hope you're as easy as your mom....
My couch might pull out but I don't!
You wanna see a donkey show?
Hey baby, there's a party in your mouth and everybody's coming.
Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?
How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
Fucking is like flossing your teeth, the first few times theres gonna be blood.
Come here or my dick will start CUMING for you!
"Do you know Candice? (Candice who?) Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Hi! I'm Craven Morehead are you?
Save a straw...Suck A Dick.
(A tall man to a short woman): "You're a perfect height for what I want."
Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
Hey baby, thats a nice shirt, can I talk you out of it!
I'm not a dick in real life, but I'll play one in your vagina tonight!
"Yeah, I am married. So what can I do to get you to go out with me?"
Baby I want to wear you like a pair of sun glasses, one leg over each ear.
Do you handle chickens because I've heard you're good with cocks.
You might want to call a bomb squad, because there's going to be an explosion in your anus.
You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.
Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out?
My dick is more comfortable than that chair you know.
Hi, how bout you grab my butt and I grab your ears!
You got the teacup, cause I'm bringin the teabag.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd bang you in the restroom.
I'll bet you 100 bucks that you couldn't get all your clothes off in 30 seconds.
I like the way you're wearing that shirt, but honestly honey, it'd look better on the floor.
Your boobs are big (so) can I touch? (no) God gave you a gift and wants you to share it with the world.
Gee, for a fat girl you sure don’t sweat much.
Hey. My friends wanted me to come over here and ask you if they were fake. Can I sqeeze them to find out?
Hey! tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes.
Are you going to that funeral? (What Funeral) The one where MY BALLZ drop dead in your mouth.
For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.
Do you like wedges?, cause I'm gonna wedge this dick in yo mouth.
I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
The socks are having a party; can the pants come down?
Hey baby, I got a back seat with your name on it.
I was going to tell you a joke that'll make your tits fall off. But it looks like somebody beat me to it.
I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
I wish you were a pig(she asks why?)cause then you'd have six...(point at her chest and wait for slap)
Hey baby do you want some of these? she says, "These what?" You say, "these nuts."
You're ugly but you intrigue me.
You have a nice body but it would look better in my bed with me in it.
You're good at mathematics, right? Would you say 69 was a perfect square?
What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?
Screw me if I'm wrong but aren't you Julia Roberts.
I have 4 words for you "Hol I Day Inn".
If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie.
Your pants remind me of Vegas.... The kinda place I go to blow my Wad.
I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickel.
Guy: Did you know I am a rapper? Girl: No Guy: (Takes penis out) Well now that the p is out, I guess I'm a raper.
Do you train cats? (No, why?) Because you just made my pussy cum!
Are you going to that funeral? (What Funeral) The one where MY BALLZ drop dead in your mouth.
Did you go swimming earier or did I get you wet.
I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.
Lick your fingers and touch the girls clothes and say "how bout me and you get outta these wet clothes"
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
Hey baby, do I stand a chance with you or shall I just move on to your fat friend?
Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?
Aw, girl, I'm gonna have to put you on my "To Do" List!
I am conducting a field test of how many woman have pierced nipples.
Women don't date me for my money, they date me for my money shot.
I just popped a Viagra. So, we've got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.
Those are nice legs. do they come over easy?
My face will be leaving in a quarter of an hour and I'd like you to be on it.
I just cleaned my bedsheets, want to come mess them up with me.
Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.
Hey girl; I got this new cologne called hard on you. Want to try it?
Hey baby, I'll fuck you so well the NEIGHBORS will be having a cigarette when we're done.
Some people think I'm fat but its actually my cock wrapped around me.
Excuse me, My name is Ben Dover (bend over). Would you like to meet my friend Master Bates (masturbates)? Or should I do it for you?
I think my allergies are acting up. Cuz everytime your around my dick swells up.
Is it just me or do most guys picture you naked?
Shall I wait for you in my car or will the closet suffice?
Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
Are you busy [If no], well do you want to get busy.
How much does your clothes cost? (Woman says "Why do you want to know?") Cause I`ll need to know how much to pay you back after I rip them off.!
Wanna go 50-50 on a rape charge?
You've got to refer me to your plastic surgeon.
I hear your thirsty? Well I've got a six pack right here!
You MUST have a nice personality.
You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.
Good news, the test results are negative!
Hey Babe...how about the two of us grabbing a pizza and going to my place and shag? No??? What's the matter? Don't you like pizza???
Ask a hottie, "Would you like some fruit?" When she says "Ok, what you got?" Pull down your trousers and say I got two apples and a banana.
It's a celebration bitches show Rick James your titi's.
Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?
Baby, you're the next contestant in the game of love.
How about I teach you about firefighting by letting you slide down my pole.
I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be?
Ok, I'm here, what do you want for your next wish?
Hey! Tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes.
"If I was to wake you in the morning, would I just touch you on the shoulder, or would I have to call you?"
Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.
How about you get on your knees and smile like a donut!
Can I be your toliet seat so you can sit on me!
Bring a teabag and screw in your pocket....go to the bar hold up the teabag and screw and ask if she wants to teabag or screw...
You are so hot I want to bang you from behind.
Looks don't matter, I'll just wrap you in a flag and fuck you for glory.
Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down.
Excuse me. My friend over there is a little embarrassed. He'd like your phone number. He wants to know where he can get a hold of me in the morning.
When shes about to leave say: "Hey were you going beautiful,the dark room is the other way.
Hi, my names bubbles. wanna blow me?
Girl...are you a private eye? Because I saw you checking out my package.
Hey baby, wanna go halves on a bastard?
Hey babe lets play army, I’ll lay down and you can blow the hell out of me!
"Hows 'bout you an me, we get together and do the horizontal mambo?"
I know hello in 6 different languages, which one do you want me to tell you tomorrow?
Hey Babe, there's a party in my pants and you're invited!
Walk up to a girl,look at her breasts and say: hey,tell your nipples to stop staring at me.
If you think you feel good, you should feel me.
Hey Baby. My underwear is completly stretched out. You know what that means.
Dikembe is a famous 7'2" African basketball player from Zaire with a raspy voice. The story goes that Dikembe walked into a Georgetown bar butt-naked one night, the entire place stopped to look at him, and in response, Mutombo just yelled out, "WHO WANTS TO SEX MUTOMBO?!"
Are you from Europe? Cause eura hoe.
If I told you that you were beautiful would you take off your clothes and dance naked?
Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `little member' and say: Hey charlie, see anyone here you recognize?
Wanna see my third leg?
Are you drunk enough to be taken advantage of?
You know, it's not premarital sex unless you plan on getting married. Do you want to be my insignificant other?
Since we shouldn't waste things in this bad economy, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?
Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on?
Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.
Nice hair lets fuck all night long.
My hands are cold, can I take them down south.
(Give a girl a penny) then say "how much can I get with this"
"My magical watch says you're not wearing any panties...oh, you are? Damn, it must be an hour fast..."
Do you live on a chicken farm? 'Cause you sure know how to raise a cock.
Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.
You're just like my little toe, because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you're making me hard.
If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.
My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them!
There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus.
I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.
I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you.
That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
I hope you like dragons, because I'll be dragon my balls across your face tonight.
I think it's time I tell you what people are saying behind your back... "Nice ass!"
I may not be a windshield repairman, but I can still fill your crack in.
Do you know the difference between my dick and a chicken wing? No? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
Are you a termite? Cause you're about to have a mouth full of wood.
Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
Do you run track? Cause I heard you Relay want this dick.
Are you from the ghetto? Cause I'm about to ghetto hold of dat ass.
You know what I like in a girl? My dick.
Are you a doctor? cause you just cured my erectile dysfunction.
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? [Pull your pockets inside out] Would you like to?
I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f**k? [No] What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
Someone vacuum my lap, I think this girl needs a clean place to sit.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Are you from Iraq? 'Cause I like the way you Baghdad ass up.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore - my face should be among them.
Hey baby, I think you just made my two by four into a four by eight.
Is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd love to tap that ass.
Hey cutie, wanna go halves on a baby?
You can call me cake, cause I'll go straight to your ass.
Are you hungry? Cause omelette you suck this dick.
Do you like pudding? Cause I'll be pudding this dick in your ass.
Can I read your t-shirt in braille?
Do you have an inhaler? Because you've got ass ma.
Do you smoke pot? Because weed be cute together.
Are you my homework? Cause I'm not doing you but I definitely should be.
Roses are red, violets are fine. If I be the 6, will you be the 9?
Do you go to church often? Cause you're gonna be on your knees tonight.
Do you know your ABC's? Cause I wanna give you the 4th letter of the alphabet.
Are you an archaeologist? Because I've got a bone for you to examine.
I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
What's the speed limit of sex? [what?] 68. Because at 69 YOU have to turn around!
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
I'm like a Rubik's Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!
What's the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don't have a Ferrari.
Hi, do you want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then?
I'm afraid of the dark... Will you sleep with me tonight?
I love my bed but I'd rather be in yours.
Baby, I'm like a firefighter, I find 'em hot and leave 'em wet!
I spent over a grand on Viagra today, only to come here and see you and find out that I don't need it after all.
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
I'm hung like a tic tac. Wanna freshen your breath?
Do you come here often or wait till you get home?
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) Because I can see myself in your pants.
Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.
Do you need a stud in your life? Cause I got the STD and all I need is U.
Why pay for a bra, when I would gladly hold your boobs up all day for free?
You smell like trash. May I take you out?
If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don't, so let's go.
Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself.
I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me come for dinner between the holidays?
That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.
So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund.
Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you all night long!
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
Let's play carpenter. First we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you
We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows... You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.
Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.
You're so hot, even my pants are falling for you!
Are you from the Philippines? Because I wanna phil you with my penis.
Do you like Ramen Noodles? Cuz I'll be Rammin' my noodle in you later.
Are you spaghetti cause I want you to meat my balls.
Do you like whales? Cause we can go hump back at my place.
Baby I last longer than a white crayon.
Do you like to draw? Cause I put the D in Raw.
We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I'll poke you.
You remind me of the movie "Scarface" cause I want you to say hello to my little friend.
Do you like Adele? Cause I can tell you wanna be rolling in the D.
Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
"Do you like cherries?" [No.] "Ok, can I have yours?"
Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? [No] Wink.
Hey baby, wanna play lion? You go kneel down right there and I'll throw you my meat.
[Excuse me, do you have the time?] "Yes, do you have the energy?"
At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
Do you have a phone in your back pocket? Because your booty is calling me.
(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
Hi, wanna f**k? [No] Mind lying down while I do?
I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!
Does your ass have Allstate insurance? [No, why?] Well do you want it to be in good hands?
Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.
You have been very naughty. Go to my room!
Do you like Wendy's? Cause you're gonna love Wendy's nuts slap yo face!
Don't ever change. Just get naked.
Are those jeans Guess? Cause guess who wants to be inside them...
Do you like bacon? Wanna strip?
Hey there, I just took some Cialis and I have 18 hours left.
I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."
I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
I would absolutely love to swap bodily fluids with you.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
I'm not Asian but I'll still eat your cat.
Are you the lottery lady on TV, because I'm picturing you holding up my balls.
Damn girl I'd love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face.
I have a job for you, but it blows!
Do you have a shovel? Cause I'm diggin' that ass!
The things I would do if I got a few roofies in you.
Damn, are you my new boss, because you just gave me a raise.
You're so hot you could make a deceased man's dick rise from the dead!
As long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
You must be yogurt because I want to spoon you.
Do you like tapes and CD's? Cause I'm gonna tape this dick to your forehead so you CD's nuts.
Do you work at the wood store? Cause I could've sworn you gave me wood before.
Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. (Mountain Dew)
Is it hot in here, or are your boobs just huge.
I'm peanut butter, you're jelly, let's have sex.
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!
Nice shoes, wanna f**k?
Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
Nice tits. Mind if I squeeze them?
Oh, you're a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna go down on you.
Is your name Osteoporosis? Because you're giving me a serious bone condition.
Is your name winter? Because you'll be coming soon.
Do you like jalapeños? Cause in a minute I'll be jalapeño pussy.
Are you a shark? Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
Are you jewish? Cause the way you're looking at me, I'm beginning to think Jewish this dick was in your mouth.
Do you work for Papa Johns? Cause you're a fine pizza ass.
Girl are you a witch? Cause you know how to make something stand without even touching it.
Are you from China? Cause I'm China get in your pants.
Do you like Pizza Hut? Cause I'll stuff your crust.
Since we've been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
[Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say] "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to f**k you on the floor.
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and f**k.
What can I do to make you sleep with me?
Let's go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
I wish you were a screen door, so I could slam you all day long!
Do you like yoga? Cause Yoganna love this dick.
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart...
Hey! Wanna play war? I'll lay on the ground and you blow the f**k outta me!
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you f**k me? [No] Good, because mine is 8 inches.
Do you like apples? [Yes/No] How about I take you home and f**k the sh*t out of you. How do like them apples?
Do you like jewels? [Yes/No] well, suck my dick, it's a gem.
They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?
First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button.
Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them?
I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.
So, Is it safe to say I'm gonna score?
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead!
Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?
Are you gay? [No] Wow, me neither, let's have sex.
If I washed my dick, would you suck it? [No] Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks.
Nice f**king weather. Want to?
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
We're out of bleach. Do you want to go in the janitor's closet and make out?
There are 206 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
What do you like for breakfast?
Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?
Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
Are those lumberjack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.
You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you.
Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!
Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?
Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?
I'm a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?
Excuse me, I just shit in my pants. Can I get in yours?
You are the reason that god invented boners.
With great penis, comes great responsibility.
If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
If you're feeling down, I can fill you up.
There are so many things you can do with the human mouth... why waste it on talking?
How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled or fertilized?
You smell... We should go take a shower together.
Would you like a hotdog to go with those buns?
You're like my own personal brand of heroin.
This may seem corny, but you make me really horny.
I'm a burglar and I'm gonna smash your backdoor in.
Do you wanna do something that rhymes with 'Truck'?
I have a rare disease that will kill me unless I have sex within the next 30 minutes. Don't let me die!
I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.
Yeah, it's big and if you pet it, it spits.
Let us let only latex stand between our love.
Do you wanna see why my nickname is 'tri-pod'?
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place.
I heard your ankles were having a party... want to invite your pants to come down?
Are you a virgin? [No] Prove it!
You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."
I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I'll put my head in your mouth.
If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven't got any, how about a cock?
I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.
Are you from Ireland? 'Cuz my dick's-a-Dublin!
[Look down at your crotch] It's not just going to suck itself.
I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion?
Are you from Africa? Cause I wanna know Kenya suck this dick?
Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?
[What are you doing?] I'm taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants.
How about you be my story and I'll be your climax!
"I have this magic watch that can actually talk to me. Seriously, it's saying something right now. It says that you're not wearing any underwear, is that true?." [No.] "Oh wait, my watch is an hour fast!
Is your name Dora? Cause I'll let you explore this dick.
I like your hair, your eyes, your smile... I like every bone in your body... Especially mine!
Do you sleep on your stomach? [No] Can I?
Lets play "Titanic." When I say "Iceburg!" you do down.
Do you believe guys think with their dick? (Yeah.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?
Smile. It is the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Don't you think most people who use pick-up lines are dipsticks? (Yes.) In that case, mind if I check your oil level?
Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.
Would you like to actively engage in mock procreation?
I'm easy. Are you?
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.
Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?
This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex.
I WANT SEX! Sorry, the doctor said that would help...
Do you believe in free love? [No] Then how much do you cost?
Hey baby, I'll f**k you so well the NEIGHBORS will be having a cigarette when we're done.
Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.
Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
I don't know you, and you don't know me, but who's to say it's wrong if we sleep together?
Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's in your bra?
I just popped a Viagra. So, we've got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.
I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let's just f**k.
You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my penis.
If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart. I hope to God you can't sing because I just wanna f**k you.
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
Hi, I'm gay. Do you think you can convert me?
I'm the finger down your spine when all the lights go out.
If I'm a pain in your ass... We can just add more lubricants.
Life is short. Let's f**k and see if there is anything after that.
Let me eat you for an hour. If you don't want to have sex after that, we won't.
I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.
[Walk into her chest] "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened!"
How much will $20 get me?
Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at pick up lines... nice tits.
Want to spend the night at my house tonight? The couch may not pull out, but I do.
So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund.
What are you doing tonight? Besides me, of course?
Will you be my girlfrien? I left out the 'd' cause you'll get that later!
My name is Skittles... wanna taste my rainbow?
I'm with the TSA and I need to perform a full body cavity search, for security reasons.
Can I be the wiener in your hotdog?
I only have 12 hours to live... please don't let me die a virgin.
What is a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
With my IQ and your body, we could make a race of superchildren and conquer the earth!
You remind me of a crop, because I wanna plow you.
I have the entire dictionary written on my dick. Want me to put some words in your mouth??
I want to kiss you passionately on the lips then move straight up to your belly-button.
Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.
There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No??? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?
Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?
Fancy a fuck?
Hi, wanna fuck? (No!) Mind lying down while I do?
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.
I am a magical being, take off your bra.
I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
I'd like to tie you to a rafter and fuck you up and down.
I'd love to swap bodily fluids with you.
I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
Let's bypass all the bullshit and just get naked.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
My name's [your name]That's so you know what to scream.
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
Oh, you're a bird watcher....(Whip out your unit and ask) Well, would you take this for a swallow?
Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
Since we shouldn't waste this day and age what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
Take off that dress and fuck my brains out, you cave newt.
Wanna fuck like bunnies?
We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck.
What can I do to make you sleep with me?
What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
Your face or MINE!?
"Excuse me, do you have the time?" You: "Do you have the energy?"
Are you free tonight or will it cost me?
At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
Baby, I'm an American Express lover....you shouldn't go home without me!
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
Hi, do you want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then?
Do you live on a chicken farm? [No] You sure know how to raise cocks.
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken wing? No? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
Fuck me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? [Pull your pockets inside out] Would you like to?
I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? [No] What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
Someone vacuum my lap, I think this girl needs a clean place to sit.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' between 'F' and 'CK'
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore....my face should be among them.
Hey baby, I think you just made my two by four into a four by eight.
Is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd love to tap that ass.
Hey cutie, wanna go halves on a baby?
I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
Just remember: To you, I am a virgin.
What's the speed limit of sex? [what?] 68. Because at 69 YOU have to turn around!
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
I spent over a grand on Viagra today, only to come here and see you and find out that I don't need it after all.
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
I'm hung like a tic tac. Wanna freshen your breath?
Do you cum here often or wait till you get home?
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) Because I can see myself in your pants.
Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.
If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don't, so let's go.
Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself.
I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me come for dinner between the holidays?
That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.
So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund.
Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you!
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? [No] Wink.
Hey baby, wanna play lion? You go kneel down right there and I'll throw you my meat.
[Excuse me, do you have the time?] "Yes, do you have the energy?"
At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
Hi, wanna fuck? [No] Mind lying down while I do?
I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!
Hey there, I just took some Cialis and I have 18 hours left.
I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."
I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
I would absolutely love to swap bodily fluids with you.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
My name's [your name]. Just so you know what to scream.
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
Nice tits. Mind if I squeeze them?
Oh, you're a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?
Since we've been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck.
What can I do to make you sleep with me?
Let's go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
I wish you were a screen door, so I could slam you all day long!
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart...
Hey! Wanna play war? I'll lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me!
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you fuck me? [No] Good, because mine is 8 inches.
Do you like apples? [Yes/No] How about I take you home and fuck the shit out of you. How do like them apples?
Do you like jewels? [Yes/No] well, suck my dick, it's a gem.
They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?
First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button.
Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them?
I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.
So, Is it safe to say I'm gonna score?
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead!
Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?
Are you gay? [No] Wow, me neither, let's have sex.
If I washed my dick, would you suck it? [No] Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks.
Nice fucking weather. Want to?
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
We're out of bleach. Do you want to go in the janitor's closet and make out?
There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
What do you like for breakfast?
Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?
Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
Are those lumberjack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.
You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you.
Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!
Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?
Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?
I'm a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?
Yeah, it's big and if you pet it, it spits
Let us let only latex stand between our love.
Do you wanna see why my nickname is 'tri-pod'?
There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to mount.
I heard your ankles were having a party... want to invite your pants down?
Are you a virgin? [No] Prove it!
You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."
I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I'll put my head in your mouth.
If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven't got any, how about a cock?
I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.
(Look down at your crotch) It's not just going to suck itself.
I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion?
(Hold up a screw) Wanna screw?
Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?
[What are you doing?] I'm taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants.
How about you be my story and I'll be your climax!
"I have this magic watch that can actually talk to me. Seriously, it's saying something right now. It says that you're not wearing any underwear, is that true?." [No.] "Oh wait, my watch is an hour fast!
Do you sleep on your stomach? [No] Can I?
Lets play "Titanic." When I say "Iceburg!" you do down.
Do you believe guys think with their dick? (Yeah.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?
Smile. It is the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Don't you think most people who use pick-up lines are dipsticks? (Yes.) In that case, mind if I check your oil level?
Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.
Would you like to actively engage in mock procreation?
I'm easy. Are you?
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.
Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?
This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex.
I WANT SEX! Sorry, the doctor said that would help....
Do you believe in free love? [No] Then how much do you cost?
Hey baby, I'll fuck you so well the NEIGHBORS will be having a cigarette when we're done.
Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.
Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
I don't know you, and you don't know me, but who's to say it's wrong if we sleep together?
Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's in your bra?
I just popped a Viagra. So, we've got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.
I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let's just fuck.
You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my penis.
If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart. I hope to God you can't sing because I just wanna fuck you.
Hi. I'm gay, think you can convert me?
I'm the finger down your spine when all the lights go out.
If I'm a pain in your ass... We can just add more lubricants.
Life is short. Let's fuck and see if there is anything after that.
Let me eat you for an hour. If you don't want to have sex after that, we won't.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
(give the person a bottle of tequila) Drink this, then call me when you're ready.
Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.
I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.
Walk into her chest) "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened.
I have the entire dictionary written on my dick. Want me to put some words in your mouth??
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world!
Hey! Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'
Have you ever played leap frog naked ??
Excuse me, but is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
Ask: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" (No.) Wink.
Ever tried those weird prickly condoms?
Can I see your tan lines?
Can you believe that just a few hours ago we'd never even been to bed together?
Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts)